Extortion by Guilt
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It was a beautiful cool evening in the garden. Yet Adam and Eve didn’t feel their usual joy in anticipation of their daily pleasant visit and walk with God. Something was different.
An unknown, horrible feeling arose, permeating their beings: guilt.
Ashamed, they covered themselves. They hid from God, pretending not even to hear His call.
Their joy evaporated. Their anticipation of connection with God dissipated.
Fortunately, God would not leave his people in this condition of guilt, separation, and despair. He already had a remedy. He provided a way to escape the bondage of guilt and shame and to recover the joy and excitement of seeing Him and enjoying the good things of life.
You know that story. It ends with the cross.
None of us must live our days in that relentless, horrible feeling. Through Him, we are forgiven for all our offenses, redeemed and freed. We are no longer hostages to guilt and shame.
Yet my experiences of 25 years in the counseling room tell me many Christians still live as hostages, bound by chains of condemnation, prisoners to the sins they have committed, that they think they have committed, and those they have been accused of committing.
Any of us in that condition no longer walk as free people. We live as hostages to guilt and shame.
Are You a Victim of Unhealthy Guilt?
Now, there is a good side to guilt. Scripture says it leads to repentance and reconciliation to God. It helps us apologize to those we’ve wronged and so restore relationships.
But what happens when guilt runs amuck?
Unhealthy guilt opens people to a kind of extortion. Abusers – human or spiritual – use guilt to produce behaviors in you that reward them!
Are you a hostage to shame and extorted by guilt?
Unable to forgive yourself
Apologizing for things that require no apology
Blaming yourself automatically when things go wrong
Defending yourself too aggressively because of underlying guilt
Tolerating abuse from others because you think, “It must be my fault that they treat me like this”
Giving too much in relationships because you feel guilty or have a need to compensate for a perceived shortcoming
Overworking out of guilt or obligation
If so, then you may be extorted by guilt.
You can experience less joy than God intends for you to experience. Unhealthy guilt can lead to anxiety, depression, and anger or resentment.
Free Yourself from Extortion by Guilt
It is not necessary to continue in the bondage of unhealthy guilt. You can reclaim the freedom and joy!
Yes, you must determine whether your guilt is realistic or unrealistic. Decide whether your guilt Is healthy or unhealthy. Determine whether the solution is to repent, ask forgiveness from God or others, forgive yourself, and move on.
Several questions to ask for perspective:
What happened to cause this guilty feeling?
What specific aspect of this do I feel guilty about?
Did I actually do something wrong, or am I just perceiving I did?
Is someone else making me feel guilty?
Is it in my control to fix the situation?
Accept God’s forgiveness
For those truly caught up in a cycle of guilt and shame the process above may not be so easy. However, realize that our feelings, while important, do not always tell us the truth.
“If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything” I John 3:20.
Identify beliefs that rob you of feeling God’s forgiveness. Examples may include:
I am never good enough.
God must be getting sick of me by now.
I don’t deserve love or forgiveness
These are lies that we may have believed all our lives but they keep us in bondage to guilt and extort the joy of our salvation which is promised.
Identify and meditate on the truths from scriptures demonstrating God’s love, forgiveness, and unconditional acceptance.
…For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His loving devotion for those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.…
Ps 103: 11-13
Forgive Yourself
This is difficult for many. Yet, if God has forgiven us, then who are we to hold our sins against ourselves? You may need to apologize or make amends where possible. But then you need to recognize that you made mistakes and move on.
We’re human beings. We’ve all messed up. Deal with the past and then do better in the future.
The Apostle Paul declared he was a chief sinner because he brought many Christians to their death. He was sorrowful over that. But he did not let that stop him from moving forward, accepting the call of God, and boldly leading the church. He did not tell himself that he could never be forgiven.
Your sins and mine probably don’t reach that level. So, we also can certainly escape extortion by guilt and lead happier, healthier, more productive, Christ-honoring lives.
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Drake, K. March 2022. Psych Central. Retrieved from: https://psychcentral.com/health/tips-for-dealing-with-guilt#recap
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