Master These Four Aspects of Your Own Life to Lead More Powerfully
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Pastor Bill battles insecurity. Unconsciously—and unfortunately—he’s come to seek the approval of others as the antidote to his insecurity.
When people make positive comments about his preaching, or about how things are going at the church, Bill’s mood is pretty good. But let criticism come, and the voices in Bill’s head turn dark.
His averseness to displeasing people and losing their approval makes it difficult for Bill to have tough conversations with others. He tends to duck conversations if he fears he might be criticized. And he finds it difficult to say hard but necessary things.
Imagine how much more effective Bill could be if he could squelch the critical self-talk within—and master this powerful, unhealthy desire for approval.
Bill is not alone in the struggle for personal mastery. His issue – personal insecurity and fear of criticism – may not be your issue. Likely though, you have your own struggles.
Proverbs 25:28 says, “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” We need personal mastery in every aspect of our lives, including our thoughts and emotions.
Spiritual leaders who achieve a high degree of personal mastery manage, rather than suppress or deny or live at the mercy of, negative emotions. This personal mastery manifests itself in four ways:
Mastery of Mindset. People that master their mindset consciously and regularly monitor their own self-talk and make adjustments to their thinking as necessary.
Mastery of Emotional Triggers. People use their personal insight to actively work at managing their emotional reactions.
Mastery over Communication. People with personal mastery communicate directly rather than passively or aggressively.
Mastery of Passion. People with personal mastery maintain their enthusiasm for ministry by renewing themselves spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
Personal mastery involves internal and external aspects. Internally, you must manage your thoughts and emotions. Externally, you must govern your speech and actions.
Emotionally intelligent pastors regulate their emotions. They don’t suppress them or surrender to them. When you suppress or deny an emotion, what happens? One thing is for sure: the feeling doesn’t magically disappear. When you bury feelings alive, they tend to show back up at unexpected times.
When you surrender to an emotion, what happens? You say or do things with no filter or little thought. You react instead of responding. The result is words and deeds that are reflexive and embarrassing—not reflective and encouraging. Sadly, we can’t un-say a sentence. And our actions don’t come with a delete button.
In Bill’s case, the negative things he says to himself - such as I can never please these people – are, at best, exaggerations. Those negative and unrealistic thoughts make him depressed and angry – as they would anyone.
Bill’s opportunity is to change his thoughts to more helpful ones. That, in turn, will actually improve his mental and emotional state.
Personal mastery marks emotionally intelligent leaders. They monitor their mindset. They listen to their self-talk. They then ask the question, “What’s true here? Are my thoughts here aligned with reality?”
EI-savvy leaders make needed changes in their thinking. As a result, their emotions begin to change, too. This in turn paves the way for them to be calmer and proficient in direct, yet non-aggressive communications with others.
Personal mastery means more than merely living a life free of glaring, obvious sins. It means you can literally manage your own emotions and therefore your interactions with others.
And that is powerful.
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