Are You a Master of Relationships?
Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay
The apex of emotional intelligence is relational mastery - the ability to manage relationships wisely. When infused with God’s blessings, it leads to true transformational ministry.
This is where all our efforts to build emotional intelligence pay off.
All those insights into what makes us tick and what ticks us off… all that getting a grip on our emotional triggers… all that listening to people and tuning into groups to figure out what’s really going on in their hearts, under the surface… can now be put to use in leadership.
Relational mastery is where we take all our newly acquired self-awareness and “people smarts” and we engage skillfully with others. We manage our relationships and interactions wisely.
We could say it this way: Relational Mastery + Connection with God = Transformational Ministry!
Here’s an example.
Pastor Jim is known for being a strong communicator and bold leader. Because he is able to cast a clear, compelling vision, he typically generates excitement in those he leads. He knows how to motivate people to tackle worthy projects and gets things done.
But being this kind of driven, task-oriented, missional leader, Jim can also get frustrated when people or events block his initiatives and goals. In those situations, if Jim is not being oh-so-careful, his temper flashes at others.
This is what happened when a board member – Greg - didn’t immediately get behind Jim’s latest initiative, Jim blew up in anger at the board meeting, and it wasn’t pretty.
He was ticked with Greg, and frustrated by what he perceived to be the rest of the board’s unwillingness to stand up to Greg.
A few days later, he felt embarrassed and remorseful that he’d so quickly judged everyone and been so critical. He realized there were several things he needed to do.
First, he needed to have some meetings…with Greg in the morning…and with the board on that evening. His only agenda? To express how sorry he was for his blow-up, and to ask for a reset on their personal and working relationships.
He prayerfully concluded he would humble himself by refusing to engage in any finger-pointing, blame-shifting, rationalizing, justifying, or making lame excuses for his actions.
He reminded himself to seek to understand other viewpoints, without arguing or defending his own.
Finally, he wanted to reiterate his desire to be allied with the Board. More than he wanted to “get his way,” Jim wanted his board to be a unified team “loving one another and working together with one mind and purpose”.
Of course, it would have been ideal if Jim had not flown off the handle. But everyone makes mistakes. The main thing is that Jim realizes trusting relationships are paramount to his success.
Jim, already a good leader, resolves to become a great one. He’s mastering the art of keeping his relationships strong, even when he has to eat some humble pie.
This is not a pie-in-the-sky story. Leaders create stronger relationships every day. But they only happen when good leaders strive to become great leaders. They master the art of building - and sometimes repairing – strong, enduring relationships.
Relational mastery is what sets apart transformational leaders from merely average ones. They have a greater impact because they have greater emotional intelligence. If you work to develop the skills we’ve talked about here—and practice them until they become habits— you are well down the path to becoming a transformational leader.
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