Pastor, The Real Reason to Master Inter-personal Skills (And It's Not Just to "Get Along")
Let’s get right to the obvious: people can be difficult! That applies to church relationships as much as (or more than?) other kinds of relationships.
It applies to pastor-member relationships as well as the relationships between members.
Not too long ago, I had the honor of being interviewed by George P. Wood, Executive Editor of Influence magazine. During the course of the conversation, he made an off-hand comment that stuck in my mind.
I don’t recall his exact words but essentially George said, “Most church conflicts are based on bad relationships, not bad ideas.”
You know, that rings true.
More than that, though, it’s sad.
Why aren’t more churches healthy and growing? Is it because they just have not discovered the right strategy, technique, technology, method or program yet?
Is it because pastors must possess some kind of rarified super-star charisma unobtainable except for a handful of celebrity ministry super-heroes?
Or is it sometimes simply the cumulative debilitation of a thousand little inter-personal sins: resentments, spiteful words, power-struggles, criticisms, misunderstandings, failures to communicate, refusals to listen, stubborn determinations to be right, spats that go back so far that no one even remembers the original disagreement?
Can hurt feelings and broken relationships hinder the gospel and the church?
You know, there’s nothing new under the sun. The Apostle Paul addressed an unknown “True Companion” in the book of Philippians for assistance with two women locked in disagreement.
I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life. (Philippians 4:2-3 NIV)
Some people may be put off by the term “emotional intelligence”, especially when I relate it to the work of a pastor. It sounds a little too foreign. So, for those folks, let me offer an alternative phrase: be a true companion.
True companions work to help good people, Christian people, even pillars of the church kind of people manage to get along.
True companions always work on the beam in their own eye first.
True companions most certainly do not let themselves become doormats nor do they overlook issues that must be addressed and corrected.
However, they do search their own hearts and control their own lower impulses when criticism, conflicts, and disagreements arise.
They rise above pettiness and overlook trite insults. They don’t resort to counter-attacks and put-downs. True companions of Christ make a supreme effort to get along with people and teach them how to get along with each other.
True companions are motivated by the mere expediency of everyone getting along. Instead, they know that the gospel and growth of the church are at stake.
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George P. Woods, Executive Editor of Influence magazine. interviews Dr. Jeannie on the Influence Podcast.