A church’s choir director walked into the pastor’s office crying and blurted out, “I quit! My work with the music program never pleases you! You’re so critical!”

She walked out and did not come back.

The whole event dumbfounded the pastor who believed he was demanding, perhaps, but supportive. However, the choir director’s sudden departure shook him enough that he wisely asked his wife, “Is that true? Am I critical and impossible to please?”

She looked him in the eyes and said, “Absolutely. When you’re impatient, you’re very blunt and critical.”

Sure, the choir director may have been a sensitive person but the fact is, pastor treated her much more harshly than he realized. He lost a good choir director and damaged a relationship unnecessarily.

Things like that happen all the time.

Think about this – a blind spot in your car’s rearview mirror can get you killed. We all have blind spots about our own behavior. That’s why really savvy leaders actively seek out feedback from others.

Here are seven blind-spot blunders that can tick people off, put people off or even run people off. Perhaps you can add others to this list?

Constantly point out what is not going right or needs to be done better. Sure, there is a time for constructive criticism. But all the time? Besides, it generally needs to be sandwiched between layers of specific affirmation and given thoughtfully rather than on the fly.
Fail to Communicate. Everyone (and especially key leaders) need to be informed during times of change so they can plan and adapt accordingly. Finding out crucial information after the fact can frustrate and stall enthusiasm. You know the details. Share them generously and often.
Go over someone’s head or leave them out of the loop. How frustrating is it when working on a project to suddenly find out the pastor has handed all or part of that task to someone else without your knowledge?
Talk over, interrupt, dismiss or otherwise shut others’ full communication down. Authoritarian put downs or dismissals of another’s ideas or point of view motivate them – to leave and go elsewhere.
Fail to make eye contact or fully listen. Your smartphone can be your own worst enemy. Fail to pay attention to the person you talk to and you’re communicating a very clear message. They may decide you’re right – they don’t matter – and go to some other organization or church where they will.
Focus more on your agenda than on others expressed concerns. People can tell when you’re more focused on your agenda even though you may think it doesn’t show.
Speak with a tone that sounds irritable or snappy when stressed. You may not be actually irritated with the persons around you, but they will likely take it personally. Do you really want to tick them off or put them off for no real reason?

I have a really bold challenge for you: this week, ask someone whether you do any of the above. Select someone who knows you well and who will be willing to provide candid feedback. You could also ask if they’ve observed you coming across this way to others – that way it doesn’t have to be personally about them.

If you take this challenge, no matter what they say, sincerely thank them for their feedback.

Let me know below what blind spot blunders you’ve overcome in the past or would add to the list!

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Seven Blind Spot Blunders that Tick People Off, Put People Off, or Even Chase People Off Without You Knowing Why