Got Smoldering Conflict? Rumblings and Murmurings?
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Even writing about this brings the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have a hunch that you can relate.
You know the signs: passive aggressive comments passed off as supposed jokes. A sense of tension in the room. The question, “What’s going on?” is answered with a ‘nothing’ that sure sounds like a ‘something.
Someone feels slighted. Hurt feelings turn to grudges. They’re not expressed openly but nursed silently. Quiet mutterings faintly overheard, purely accidental of course.
Most pastors are all too familiar. What’s the best response in those situations?
I came across one such scenario in Acts 6:1 that seems instructive.
In those days when the number of disciples was increasing, the Hellenistic Jews among them complained against the Hebraic Jews because their widows were being overlooked in the daily distribution of food. (NIV).
The KJV says “there arose a murmuring”, while the NLT describes it as “rumblings of discontent.”
The Greek word in the Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance describes this word as a murmuring, muttering, secret displeasure that is not openly avowed.
Secret displeasure that is not openly avowed – that paints the picture!
These underground conflicts tend to fester and generally erupt after some time. Meanwhile, secret tensions disrupt unity, leave a negative feeling, and suck the air out of the room.
It was this type of conflict the early church was facing in Acts 6. Let’s look at what these apostles did and did not do to direct this potentially destructive energy into a positive outcome!
What they did not do:
1.They did not ignore or avoid it. Many of us conflict avoiders would prefer to simply ignore it and hope it goes away. Often it doesn’t.
While choosing not to respond may be a good strategy in some situations, it should be actively chosen as a strategy rather than a default approach. Generally, conflict grows in darkness but often fizzles when exposed to light.
2. They did not react defensively or take it personally. They didn’t erupt in anger when they were at least partly blamed for the problem.
It’s easy to overreact to criticism. Especially when it’s unfair and we’re caught off guard.
Petty conflicts are aggravating. Murmuring and tension is wearing and irritating. And being unfairly blamed is a real buzz killer.
What they did do:
1.They took it seriously. They responded to the complaint as a serious concern and devoted time to understand what it was all about. When people are listened to and taken seriously, that alone can let some of the air out of the sails of conflict.
2.They discussed it together among the leadership - the apostles. It is good to confer with another leader or a trusted friend to get their take. It helps us to stay objective. They may bring insights that we hadn’t considered. Plus, it’s good to feel the support.
3.They prayed. Ok. It doesn’t say that they prayed. It’s just that it’s hard for me to imagine the apostles gathering over such an issue and not praying.
4.They moved into problem-solving. Evaluating the situation revealed that there was an legitimate problem. Not that anyone was purposely neglecting the Grecian widows, but that this ministry lacked oversight. It needed leadership attention.
Rather than waste time being angry or upset, they considered various options for resolving the matter. They said that it was “not meet that we should leave the word of God and wait tables”. This suggests to me that was at least mentioned but dismissed as one option. They decided upon a best option.
5.They implemented a solution. One that empowered the complainers and avoided taking unnecessary tasks upon themselves. They said we think you should vote and pick out seven among you who are honest, respectful people filled with the Holy Ghost to take care of this ministry.
This pleased the group and they set about to implement it.
In summary:
They did not underreact. They did not passively avoid the conflict.
They also did not over-react by becoming defensive, which could exacerbate the problem. They did not even criticize or chastise those mutterers.
They took the complaints of a problem seriously. They listened.
They conferred among themselves and moved into problem-solving.
Finally, they chose and implemented a course of action that involved and empowered others while preserving their time for their calling to ministry of the word and prayer.
While some problems may seem more complex and less straightforward than this one, I believe that the apostles response to the murmuring and grumbling is one that we can confidently follow.
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