Five Ways to Navigate the Minefield of People's Expectations
Alex, the pastor of a smaller church, sat in his office chair, stunned. Mrs. Jones, a parishioner, had just walked out of his office after verbally lambasting him for “not caring about my husband Jim, laying in the hospital ill, and you hardly visited him!”
Thing is, Alex had visited Mr. Jones but apparently not as often as Mrs. Jones thought she should. He fumed and mused, “What in the world is wrong with that lady?”
Regardless of the size of your church, you’ve probably experienced something like that: hostile criticism for seemingly no reason; a completely unreasonable and unexpected personal attack. You wondered, “What is going on here?”
Breaking the psychological contract – those unspoken yet sometimes very specific expectations people have for you – even when you do so unintentionally, can create a very deep sense of betrayal, hurt, or anger in others. It can unleash a tornado of dark emotions and hostile personal accusations which will leave you reeling in its wake.
The psychological contract holds just that much potential power for conflict.
Now, it’s not healthy to bend over backward trying to make every single person happy all the time. That’s not wise. It can’t be done
However, savvy pastors pay close attention when it comes to managing their people’s expectations!
Here are a five emotionally intelligent tips you can use to help manage the psychological contract and more skillfully navigate the minefield of congregational expectations:
Be very aware that an unspoken psychological contract always exists in the minds of your congregants (and for that matter, in your mind concerning them).
When you do break the contract, people may become frustrated and they will not understand that you don’t understand what you did “wrong”.
So, work to identify those unexpressed expectations by listening carefully to people.
Proactively educate people about your vision, values, focus, priorities, strengths, weaknesses, and ways that you work differently than others. They may not like some things but it’s better to discuss them in advance before you trigger a hidden expectation.
Finally, negotiating some of those differences in opinion about expectations for your role. Acts 6 may present a model of church leaders clarifying expectations! And if it was necessary for the Apostles, well, it may be helpful for you, too.
Unexpressed expectations explode under a pastor’s feet sometimes, occasionally with disastrous results. You can reduce the chance of that though by becoming more aware of that possibility and following the tips above.
—-
If you enjoyed this article, please “like” or share on your favorite social media using the icons below.
___
Free download. Ziklag: Overcome Discouragement Even on the Worst Days of Your Life. Bible Study, Self-assessment, Personal Case Study and Small Group Discussion Guide.