Christian Leaders Struggle with Porn (and this is what they tell me)
I’ve had scores of conversations with church leaders about a secret subject – their porn habit.
It’s not that I want to have these conversations. I don’t seek out the information. It’s my work as a professional Christian counselor for 18 years. Most of my clients profess faith in Christ, many serve as leaders in their churches. They bring this topic to me.
So I know a few things about the use of pornography among Christian leaders. While plenty of statistics exist on the topic of porn in the church, I didn’t get my information from statistics.
I got it in face-to-face, eye-to-eye conversations with Christian men and their spouses sitting in my counseling office.
You may safely assume that many of these conversations felt uncomfortable, some became emotional, and many were painful. So, in that sense, the information I share with you below didn’t come cheaply.
Here are five things Christian leaders tell me about porn.
Their churches never mention the topic. No one talks about. It’s like it doesn’t exist.
Most can’t find a Christian men’s group where they can discuss the issue. (Porn use among women is increasing but in my experience it continues to be primarily an issue for men.)
Viewing porn causes issues in their marriage.
They feel guilty and ashamed.
They feel conflicted in their relationship with God.
Why raise this topic? Especially at the beginning of the year when many leadership bloggers (myself included) focus on setting goals, casting a vision and planning the year?
Simply, I worry that all those visions, plans and goals, necessary as they may be, arrive stillborn if our hearts and minds – and those of the lay leaders in our churches – aren’t in the right place.
Let me reflect upon two scriptures that apply.
Sin in the Camp. You probably recall the story of Achan’s sin in Joshua 7. Achan disobeyed the Lord’s command at Jericho and secretly hid some loot. Consequently, Israel experienced defeat in their next battle at Ai. There was no victory until God exposed Achan’s sin and dealt with it.
Confess Your Faults. Please don’t misunderstand me! I’m not advocating shaming, public humiliation, stoning, firings or any other punitive reactions. Instead, I think of James’ admonition: “Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.” (James 5:16 The Message)
If you need a few statistics, consider these:[i]
93% of pastors and 94% of youth pastors say it is a much bigger or somewhat bigger problem than it was in the past.
More than half of youth pastors have had at least one teen come to them for help in dealing with porn in the past 12 months.
And then there’s this:
Most pastors (57%) and youth pastors (64%) admit they have struggled with porn, either currently or in the past…
We know that viewing pornography is a common failing. Have we made confessing it to one another and praying about it a common practice?
A resource for Christian’s struggling with pornography.
It seems to me that our enemy uses pornography as another tool to thwart the effectiveness of churches and ministries. Those who use porn can’t thrive in their ministries and be used of God to the degree they would prefer.
We must create safe spaces and provide resources for people to deal with their struggles with pornography and find healing, forgiveness, and release from bondage. Otherwise, can they fully and freely serve God? What will be the use of all our visioning and planning and goal-setting?
I have recommended the following resources to people. (I am not an affiliate of either of the organizations below. I’m just mentioning them as potential resources.)
What suggestions or resources do you recommend? What are your thoughts about the pornography phenomenon? Leave them in the comments below!
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[i] [i] Retrieved from https://www.barna.com/the-porn-phenomenon/#.VqZoN_krIdU on 1/17/19